Tool For Tuesday: Everything We Do Out of Guilt Turns Into a Future Resentment.

REMEMBER: BE LESS YOU TO BE MORE YOU! Purim 2014, a reminder that we are students of life, and that includes pretending to be who we're not.

REMEMBER: BE LESS YOU TO BE MORE YOU! Purim 2014, a reminder that we are students of life, and that includes pretending to be who we’re not.

We’re students of life. We sometimes do things we don’t want to do because we want to be nice or because we’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings or because we have a high tolerance for emotional pain and think, “Oh, it won’t be so bad.”

But everything we do out of guilt turns into a future resentment. Either on our part or on the other person’s.

One of my daughters was invited to a wedding and she told one of my sons, “I don’t want to go to the wedding.”

“So, don’t go,” was my son’s answer.

But then the guilt set in. “The bride really wants me to come…” (Don’t we all know that brides are in a total blur about who’s even at the wedding!)

We have a hard time saying no. But that shouldn’t stop us. Let’s pretend we’re the kind of people who don’t have trouble saying no. And allow ourselves the right to do what we know in our hearts is right, even if people around us think it’s wrong.

This Tool for Tuesday is an anti-tool. It’s a warning. Everything we do out of guilt turns into a future resentment.

Check out Bar Rafaeli‘s Purim costume:

 

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About dianabletter

Diana Bletter is a writer living in northern Israel whose novel, A Remarkable Kindness, is forthcoming from HarperCollins in August. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Commentary, tabletmag, and other publications. Her first book, The Invisible Thread: A Portrait of Jewish American Women (with photographs by Lori Grinker) was nominated for a National Jewish Book Award.
This entry was posted in Acceptance, Self-care, Tool For Tuesday and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Tool For Tuesday: Everything We Do Out of Guilt Turns Into a Future Resentment.

  1. juliabarrett says:

    Love the Purim pic! I had so much fun during Purim when I lived in Israel. Don’t do much here. It’s such a great memorial to a powerful event.
    Yes, guilt is the wrong motivator.

  2. Pingback: Motivated by Guilt |

  3. Diana, I couldn’t agree more! But it’s not always easy to do. 🙂

    • dianabletter says:

      You are right, Tracy, it isn’t easy not doing something we think we “should” do. But sometimes if we feel wrong, then we’re doing right!

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