Checking Your Motive, Part II

If you smile, nobody knows how you're REALLY feeling!

One of my friends wrote back about what I shared about checking our motives. Are they to change us or to change someone else?

You are supposed to change yourself. not others. all you can do is remain calm. if she is going to change herself in hope to change someone else. then it will only result in failure. she needs to be good to herself and put herself first. if his behaviour is unacceptable to her, then she should leave for a little while. see a movie. go shopping. if she stays while he is acting like this… then she is aiding in him to continue his bad behaviour. this method, as you know. can apply to kids, hubbies, parents etc.. my book, written my a relationship counselor, says not to get drawn in. in this case she can have empathy and say something like.. i know.. it really stinks when such and such happens.. i’m going to give you some alone time. and then leave.

So true! We have to take care of ourselves first.

Another friend said, “You can’t change other people, you can only change your reactions to them.”

That is very wise indeed.

Thought for today: Instead of REACTING, I try to take a breath and then RESPOND. There’s a huge difference between the two.

 

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About dianabletter

Diana Bletter is a writer living in northern Israel whose novel, A Remarkable Kindness, is forthcoming from HarperCollins in August. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Commentary, tabletmag, and other publications. Her first book, The Invisible Thread: A Portrait of Jewish American Women (with photographs by Lori Grinker) was nominated for a National Jewish Book Award.
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